Thursday, September 10, 2015

Two years.

Later this month will mark two years since Wyatt's soul left his earthly body and he finally made it to Heaven.

I've been reading through my posts from two years ago every so often the last few weeks. Taking myself back to that place of waiting, watching, wondering what our life could ever be like without our boy and how I would ever survive to find a way to live without my son. I was heartbroken then and it can be said that I am still now.

Though, this last week, I recalled on Facebook Wyatt's faith and his yearning for Heaven in the last leg of his journey with us. His encounters with family members and the moments between he and Jesus that he was able to explain to us in vivid details. But the most poignant moment being when he saw Heaven. It seems to me much like being invited in to a secret club, to be given that small glimpse. I remember his words, the certainty and excitement in his voice as he couldn't wait to tell me, "It's real!"

My heart would never truly be prepared, but he was ready to go.

With that being said, some may remember, it didn't quite happen as quickly as we all expected, but additional time together was never a problem for us. Sixty-eight days following his glimpse of Heaven his broken body would quiet and he was free.

As my heart crumbled to pieces and the pain of losing our son began to quickly overtake our bodies, I didn't know what to do or where to go or how to survive. I remember thinking repeatedly, "What now?" I was free falling into a deep dark hole.

That evening, after his body was moved from our home, I sat on the edge of our couch, not moving and staring into the wall. My mind was racing, yet empty at the same exact time. Feeling the shock of what we worked so fervently to avoid for so many years. Our son was gone, his body died.

That was two years ago. 

We're still here, the four of us. We did, indeed, all find a way to survive. Somehow it happened, merely one breath at a time. In those two years so much has changed for us. Life is always changing, and, I suppose it could be said, will be ever changing. In those two years we have since learned how to live our lives with an insurmountable hope and even joy, in the presence of pain and loss. We realize Wyatt taught us exactly how to do this!

Wyatt is in everything we do. We feel and share his love in different ways each day. We honor him and his incredible life by simply continuing to live ours. Following our hearts, enjoying every moment, seeking happiness, showing love and purely celebrating life.

Let's be real, there is not a day that goes by that I don't wish our reality differently. Sometimes life just doesn't feel fair. (Oh, I could tell you the ways our life has not been fair!) But it's ours and I've come to own it as such. Even with all the imperfections that may be, I'm in love with our family's life together. No matter how short or unfair it may feel sometimes.

Our family of five may not look like others and that can be OK.

We know Wyatt is always with us. He has certainly let his presence be known in more ways than one! That's my boy. My middle child, never wanting to be left out. ;) While that can't always take away or negate the pain of losing him, and the ache of milestones and experiences missed because of his death, it does give me hope that one day we will be together again. Our Faith and his love has gotten us through every day of the last two years. In fact, some days it feels as if it's the only thing we have left to lean on, but they have never let us down. 

The love I have for each of my three children is as strong as ever. While I grieve the loss of one of my three, I'm most certain my love is deep and strong enough to reach him in the depths of fun that Heaven holds.

I will love him forever - that was my promise. Always to be my very favorite superhero, my very favorite boy.

 Wyatt Daniel DeStephano
 July 23, 2002 - September 27, 2013
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1 comment:

  1. Beautifully written as always. You have handled Wyatt's life and death with more strength and grace than anyone I know. Thank you for sharing your boy!