Wednesday, September 10, 2014

We're still here.

It's been sometime since I've written here. For those who follow us on Instagram or even Facebook, you've had the chance to see a little more of what's been going on for our family this Summer through pictures and captions that we shared. It was a busy Summer -- we've been busy redefining our life as a family. It certainly takes time. But we're now back to early rising, after school sports practices and activities and nightly homework before an early bedtime. August came and went and we're staring down the month of September. Beginning a new school year and the current month has hit us quite hard -- as if I ran into a concrete wall.

A year ago our life looked drastically different. Our life felt drastically different. While heartbreaking in its ways, it felt much more complete. Whole. At that time we were unable to ever imagine or feel the way that we would in a few weeks time to now.

I've been reliving much of last year through memories everyday. It's hard not to. The dates on a calendar hold such significant emotions...especially right now, this month. While the decisions we were making for Wyatt were difficult a year ago, it feels even harder to relive it all through our memories: we now miss him so much more. Last September I was memorizing each moment -- each smile, laugh, moan and squeeze of his hand. Every day that he was still breathing. Every hair on his head, each wrinkle and crease of his skin and every fleck of color in his eyes. Now, this September, we miss every little thing about him, all those things I memorized and more. So deeply. 

Life keeps going and going and going. And we have learned to do much the same -- to just keep going. We've continued to celebrate and share Wyatt's life in various ways through the Summer months. Telling his story and sharing his life with our community has meant a great deal to each of us. Most recently, Maggie volunteered to share his story with the crowd during an event that we were a part of, "Stick it to Mito". It was not easy for her, but the speech she wrote and the way in which she spoke of her Brother was purposeful and with grace. I bet he was so proud of her. I know we are. Just as his friend, Emily, said as she introduced our family -- I'm sure he was smiling down on us all.

I have no doubt that I will continue to grieve the loss of my boy for the rest of my life. We grieve because we love and that love will never change. But I do feel there can be an amount of healing in the midst of grieving. It's much like a dance, a delicate balance or an intricate equation. Sometimes it doesn't make sense, but that's okay. It doesn't have to. Life keeps going and so have we: one day at a time we continue living our lives -- with him, for him and because of him.
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1 comment:

  1. There is not a day when I do not think of Wyatt - of all of you.

    A friend had a baby this week. They named him...Wyatt. And your boy is on my mind even more than before.