Sunday, June 29, 2014

The ugly truth.

I can't seem to find the words to write here of late. I've tried multiple times. There is so much I want to say, could say and even need to say, but, truly, all of it originates from the same place....I miss my boy.

I want my baby back. 

Nine months ago I held his swollen hands. I kissed his cheeks and forehead. I ran my fingers through his hair. My tears fell on his face.

There are times he feels so close, yet so far away.

We miss him so very much. More and deeper than words could ever explain.

I want to be that quintessential family, the parents with their three children just living life as it comes. You know, the family we were 'supposed to be'.

I'm tired -- of being that family. The family whose child is sick, the family whose child died, the family who is grieving, the family that the awkward silence seems to follow. The family left trying to redefine what their life will look like, yet again.

What you want is not always what you get...that's a life lesson that we all learn at one point or another. We've taught our children how to make the best of a bad situation and that there is always something to be thankful for.

But, if I'm going to tell you the truth, right now I want to yell. I want to scream. I want my boy back.

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