Monday, February 17, 2014

I have three children.

I have three children. 

Well, it feels like four sometimes when you take into account my husband...but that's only every once in a while. :) But I gave birth to three children.

Since Wyatt died I struggled to give an answer when asked the question, "How many children do you have?" And the next one that usually follows it, "How old are they?" I would cringe a bit when I heard them coming. These types of questions can even keep going, "What grades are they in?" or "What schools do they go to?" It's surprising how many people ask sometimes. I guess I just didn't take notice before because I was happy to answer. It once felt much easier. In the last months I have fumbled over my words and was not feeling sure of the best way to respond, both for my sake and others.

We will always be a family of five. I even found myself typing that in an emailed response today when asked how many in our family would be attending an event -- 'There will be five of us attending', I typed initially. Just as I completed the last word in that sentence I caught myself and had to backspace to correct my error, 'There will be four of us attending.' 

Yes, we will always be a family of five. Except to the outside world, they now only see four.

2+2...doesn't equal five. 

 But, I'm choosing to always give the most honest answer to those questions that seem to pop up so frequently when making small talk.

"I have three children. Maggie is 12, Wyatt was 11 and Jilly is 8."

And as they realize what I said and ask further questions, or then feel sorry for our loss or very possibly even sorry for bringing up the subject at all, I will be ready to tell them of a really awesome boy that will always live on in the hearts of those who loved him.

We will always be a family of five. Perhaps, there are times that 2+2 can equal five. In the words of that really awesome boy, "anything is possible..."
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1 comment:

  1. I avoided any new people for the first year after Samuel went to heaven because I was afraid of that it has almost been a year and a half, I am more prepared. I always say 4. We will forever be their mama and my Samuel and your Wyatt will forever be our precious boys! <3