Wednesday, December 18, 2013

A simple holiday concert.

I sat in the auditorium full of parents, waiting for the lights to dim as the 5th and 6th graders take their designated places on the risers that were set up on stage. A cue that the holiday concert would begin soon. We were sitting maybe a third of the way back the theater.

Maggie was bubbly and excited about the evening concert since coming off the school bus that afternoon. I like when she gets excited like that -- it's nice to see her happy and looking forward to things.

The kids, all dressed in black and white, welcomed the crowd to the program and began to sing their holiday inspired medleys. As they did so, I looked at each of them smiling as they were singing on stage. It was then that I felt as if I was just punched in the stomach, forcing all the air out of me.

Wyatt should be in 5th grade. 

He should be standing there too, with his friends, happy and excited. The tears wouldn't stop. I wiped the wet streaks from my cheeks from time to time. Bryan held my hand and looked at me as I watched the stage, not sure what he should do.

I focused in on Maggie. I could see she was having fun and standing next to her BFF. She bounces on the balls of her feet a little when she's performing -- it's cute. My eyes scanned over to the smaller grouping of boys Wy's age standing in the middle of all the girls. Our son would be standing there. I can picture him smiling, I can imagine what he'd be wearing -- I begin thinking back to the few school performances that he participated in. He was always smiley and animated.

My tears kept flowing.

Then they turned the lights on in the auditorium for a short intermission. "Great...", I thought, as I wiped away the tears around my eyes, trying not to be too obvious to those around me and bring any attention to the fact that I've been crying through the entire show. Because, really, who cries through a kids chorus concert? Well...apparently me!

I looked at Bryan next to me as he quietly asked, "Are you ok?" I replied dryly, "Nope." A simple holiday concert broke me to pieces.

The chorus wrapped up the performance within the hour and Maggie then came walking up the aisle to us, happy and proud. The children did a very good job and I'm happy I could be there to see her. It just so happens in doing so, I left feeling a little traumatized and needing to be re-hydrated...such is life, these days.
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