Thursday, September 12, 2013

It's quiet.

Our home is quiet. A kind of quiet that we haven't experienced in years.

The ventilator no longer hisses or hums with each inhale and exhale of his breaths. The large high flow concentrator, which we often laughed at how loud and rumbly it is, now silently sits in the corner.

For a week after Wyatt stopped using oxygen we left the concentrator running. It was too quiet without it. It was another, rather obvious, reminder that things were changing. 


Today I moved his ventilator with its attached tubing on its stand with wheels away from the end of his bed and into a corner of an adjacent room. I originally planned to wheel it to the back of the house to free up a little space and electrical outlets. But as I was unplugging all the cords and winding up the tubing I felt myself hesitate in taking it rooms away. I know it will not be turned on and used again, I won't hear the hiss and hum of mechanical breaths anymore. But seeing his multiple masks sitting in the little basket made me stop. Maybe taking it out of the room is too soon. For me.

Wyatt lays next to me sleeping as I sit on the pull out bed with the computer on my lap. Though he lays right beside me where I can reach out and touch him, he feels a million miles away. Every so often he travels back to us for a quick glimpse of the boy we know and love. Those moments hold so much hope within them. Perhaps he's reminding us that he's still there, listening, even when it may feel he's not. 
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6 comments:

  1. Ashley, you and your family are always, always in my thoughts. I don't even know you personally but I KNOW without a doubt that you're one of the strongest, most caring, loving mothers around. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going thru but please know that you have a big group of cyber supporters all over the globe constantly sending you love and prayers. I'm so glad he's still fighting.

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  2. Tiffany - Los AngelesSeptember 12, 2013 at 6:27 PM

    You MUST be the strongest woman I have never met. Your strength, positivity, energy and love you give your family is simply admirable!
    I have been reading about Wyatt's journey for well over a year now and you never cease to amaze me with your positive outlook.
    Please know even though I am often at a loss for encouraging words, I check in on Wyatt daily, hoping for a miracle, yet satisfied hearing he had a peaceful night.
    Bless you and your family.

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  3. I agree with both these posts. It amazes me. Everything about his journey, your strength, and even though we don't see how you truly are handling this, we see the dedication and we care so much for Wyatt. I, too, am a cyber supporter but have grown so fondly of praying for peace. In addition wanting a miracle, I pray for peace and comfort for that boy every day. I check your blog all the time just wondering how his night went . I thought of Wyatt tonight in particularly at my son's open house. His favorite song was listed as Hall of fame and I instantly saw Wyatt's video in my head. I don't even know you guys but I care so much!

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  4. Praying for peace and comfort for Wyatt and your family.

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  5. Wyatt is thought about often. Your family is in our prayers. Christopher was so excited today to buy his bracelet for Wyatt today and proudly wore his green.
    As a mom, I want to hug you and never let go- you are a strong woman and your family is full of love.
    I pray for peace for you and Brian and for your girls as you all walk in this journey.
    The Zary Family

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