Friday, September 27, 2013

Dear Wyatt.

Dear Wyatt,

As you lay next to me sleeping I often watch the numbers climb and drop on the pulse-ox through the days and nights. In the wee hours of the morning, I've been listening to the still silence when your breathing stops and the squeaky sound as it begins again. I've been holding your hand as we watched some of your favorite TV shows together this week. Did you know? I'm not certain you have been listening, but I like to think you were. You always loved those reality shows. 

Wy, do you know how proud I am of you? I'm so, so proud. These last (nearly) 12 years have been unbelievable, from the time you were in my belly to now. We make a great team, you and I! We have learned to do some very hard things together. This part is no exception. I'm trying really hard to hold up my part of our team these last weeks. It hasn't been easy trying to decide what the next steps should be. Thank you for being patient with me and my heart, buddy. I'm trying to do what you want and what will be best for you. More than anything else, I want you to be happy, wherever that may be.  

I want you to be so, so happy.

You, my dear boy, hold something so special within your heart. As your body lay in this bed weak and broken beyond repair, you have been defying the odds that have been stacked against you for your entire life each day that your chest still rises and falls. Do you know how awesome you are? There are so many things I miss of you already and there were times in these last weeks that I wondered if what makes you you was still here and laying beside me. It was when I doubted that you would give us a peak, a glimmer, a sign that you are listening. Thank you. 

Yesterday we changed your clothes. Did you know? We haven't changed your clothes in a week and I thought it was probably time do so. You're wearing your Superman shirt now and you are totally playing the part. As I keep running my hand through your hair each day, I can't remember if it's ever been this long before. I kinda like its unruly style. But maybe there is a barber in heaven and he/she can give you that mohawk you would always ask for. I think you should go for it! As I swabbed your mouth last night I thought briefly about brushing your teeth. I know, I know. You hate that, but I am your Mom. It's what I do! But I stopped myself. I suppose God can handle the stinky breath when you get to Heaven.

My super kid, you have fought so hard, so bravely, so determined and so strong. As your breathing changed this morning I know in my heart what it means and I know you are ready. Perhaps these changes are merely you trying to prepare us more gently. Thank you.

Wyatt, I want you to know, if God gave me a line up of boys to pick from and choose to be my son; I would still choose you. I would still choose you out of all the boys in the entire world. You are the most perfect boy for me. I think God knew what he was doing in that moment he paired us together. Being your Mommy has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Do you know? The hard things, the scary things, the sad times, the love, the life; I would still choose you.

I will love you forever, Wyatt. I promise you. I will miss you more than I have ever missed anyone before. I will think of you always, talk of you often and tell people about my amazing boy.

You will always be my very favorite superhero, my very favorite boy.

I love you more and more,
Mommy
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13 comments:

  1. Beautiful and powerful~ continuing to lift you all in prayer as you go through this journey with poise and strength that should not be asked of any momma. Sending our love...

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  2. You and your amazing family have been in my prayers since you began to glow with the happiness of that love and completion that they made you feel the first time you started telling me about them. I've been remember our online chats during the beginning of your journey with SuperWy, and I've been following, silently all these years, but you and your family have always been in my prayers and love. You will continue to be. Please know that you all are still loved and admired. Yes, SuperWy is most certainly is a Superhero. But you and your family are superheroes, too. The patience, determination, and transcending love make you all superheroes. Ash, you are a super-mommy, too. Love and prayers to you and your family!

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  3. always in tears Ashley... love you all so.

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  4. Wyatt was such a brave warrior. Prayers to your family. May his strength live on and on.

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  5. Wyatt wa always such a super warrior. Prayers to you and your family.

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  6. Another post said it right...you are all such a super family. Wyatt will live on. I always check your blog for updates before I go to bed at night. Tonight, I am crying tears of sadness and tears of hope for Wyatt to see his final resting place, to feel comfort and love, to have no fear, and to live on through your two beautiful girls. Perhaps the mohawk will go perfectly as he parties on in Heaven! Wyatt you are so very loved from all the people who know you and all the people who dont!

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  7. Another post said it right...you are all such a super family. Wyatt will live on. I always check your blog for updates before I go to bed at night. Tonight, I am crying tears of sadness and tears of hope for Wyatt to see his final resting place, to feel comfort and love, to have no fear, and to live on through your two beautiful girls. Perhaps the mohawk will go perfectly as he parties on in Heaven! Wyatt you are so very loved from all the people who know you and all the people who dont!

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  8. (second comment, first one got lost in cyber space)

    Ashley, the other post was right on the dot with accuracy about your entire family being super. That is so true. Wyatt is so blessed to have such wonderful support by his side. To ease his fears and worries. He knows that you know the time has come for him to rest peacefully and party in Heaven. Perhaps even with a mohawk! Wyatt will live on through your family but most importantly through his sisters. Every day you will see a part of him through them. I go to bed aching of a heavy heart and tears of sadness in hopes that Wyatt is in no pain and is comfortable. Wyatt you are so very loved by a ton of people whom you know and also a ton of who you dont know. You've made a lasting impression on me and my son, he's your age. Love you!

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  9. Please know you are being prayed for and peace for all of you at this time and always. Wyatt was thought of often as you and your family.
    Love, the Zary family

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  10. This was such a hard post to open and read. :( I bet Wyatt is now pain free and enjoying all the plans he made for his trip to heaven. He is probably riding that roller coaster (hands in the air) and water slide he hoped he'd find there. Wyatt will always be by your side sharing his love and rejoicing in the love and support he felt from his Super Family through his difficult journey. Praying for peace and strength for all of you as you continue through this journey called life. Thank you so much for sharing Wyatt's story. It has truly made a difference to many, as he wished.

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  11. Wyatt was indeed a super hero and you are indeed a SuperMom! So, so sorry for your loss. You and your family are amazing. I just came across your blog yesterday. Love that you were able to document Wyatt's journey. I'm sure your daughters will appreciate reading about their brother as the years pass. God Bless you all.

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  12. I only know Wyatt and your family from your beautiful words, but I still both grieve and celebrate Wyatt's passing into his healing place. I will miss checking on you and Wyatt and hearing of his daily adventures. I will replace it with prayers for your family in this time of transition, even if it takes a lifetime. I will always remember Super Wy and the DeStephano Family!! Much love.

    Lisa

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  13. I only know Wyatt and your family from your beautiful words, but I still both grieve and celebrate Wyatt's passing into his healing place. I will miss checking on you and Wyatt and hearing of his daily adventures. I will replace it with prayers for your family in this time of transition, even if it takes a lifetime. I will always remember Super Wy and the DeStephano Family!! Much love.

    Lisa

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