Monday, February 11, 2013

Germs, Germs- go away.

I woke early this morning as I do many other times throughout the nights- with a chilly little, slightly fisted hand slowly dragging, tremoring, up my body before attempting to shake my shoulder, but missing his mark. Instead he gently smacks me in the face a few times before I take his hand in mine and stop the movement, while asking "what's wrong?". It's usually a complaint of pain or to tell me he's scared.

This morning was no different. Except he was somewhat hallucinating, seeing scary things that were not there. He hasn't done this in awhile and I'm not sure what could have stirred it up again. I tried talking him through it gently before getting a little tough, being completely honest I explained his mind is playing tricks on him. The scary things are not there. Reminding him that I was laying right beside him and would never just lay here and let the scary things get him. After gliding his hands over my face to make sure I was his "real Mommy," he clutched my hand and began repeating over and over "Mommy is right here. Mommy is right here."

He eventually fell back to sleep.

Years ago, as I cradled my baby in my arms and rocked him to sleep for what felt like the hundredth time some days, never did I think that one day I'd be talking my child through hallucinations of any kind. It could be one of the toughest parts of this journey: To watch as his mind's ability to function falters. And knowing we can do nothing about it.

Last week, after posting about the occluded lumen of his central line, we packed the boy up to visit the ED (emergency department). After being sick myself, the Children's Hospital ED was just about the last place I wanted to be. It could easily be the germ-iest place of all time. And I was just beginning to feel somewhat coherent again. Hours later, after nearly draining the nearby Purell dispenser from use and day turned to night, we walked out of the hospital doors to make our way back home, with a central line that again had two flowing lumens. By early Tuesday morning I was sick (again)- this time with the stomach bug from hell. I suppose my immune system, just getting a handle on the crazy infection from the week before, was no match for the germy ED. I can't remember the last time I was ever that sick and for nearly the entire week. I suppose I was overdue, as I also can't remember the last time I ever needed antibiotics or was sick with anything other than a cold/upper respiratory virus. Bryan, again, held everything together as he took care of Wyatt and I both. He is pretty darn great.

This morning, as I was catching the hospice and infusion nurses up on the goings on, I received a phone call from the school nurse. Jilly is now sick- 102 fever and an aching body.

Is it spring yet?

Now the tricky part comes- to quarantine her and her germs away from the rest, especially Wyatt. My lysol wipes are going quickly these days!
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