Tuesday, December 6, 2011


Dreams are so unique to each person, situation and circumstance. I remember a dream that I used to have over and over when I was young, it now seems so silly. It involved a red cartoon shaped car, a giraffe, lion and myself. My dream changed a little each time and eventually disappearing all together.

Very early Friday morning Wyatt awoke startled, panicked and nearly crying again. This is not new to see. It started sometime in October while he was recovering from the fungal infection, happening several times each and every time he'd be sleeping (day or night). Though, we would attempt to talk about it, he'd not respond and we decided not to push him. As time passed we started calling them his "bad dreams" and until recently, he still adamantly refused to talk about what he was feeling. But telling us "they're too scary."

Friday morning as my son lay breathing quickly, tears in his eyes, clearly frightened I urged him to tell me about these scary dreams. Thinking that maybe then they would stop torturing him each time he fell asleep. I began talking in hope that he would be responding...it worked as it always has.

In these "bad dreams", Wyatt shared with us that he's dying. Far from the type of "scary" things that I was envisioning he was dreaming of! Our son is dying in his dreams. He hurts badly and described chest compressions hurting him more, though knowing they were to help. Someone is often trying to help (keep him alive) in one way or another, but causing him more pain in the process. His beloved Dr. R and Dr. M were present in some scenes, but this dream in particular was just him and I at home.

 He became very upset, crying and even vomiting while trying to talk. He shared more and talked of seeing people and children, including Jesus. He elaborated that he's too scared to talk to him, but Jesus was nice.

Our conversation about this dream was detailed. He spoke as if he's fully experiencing each piece just as he would when awake and alert...the incredible pain, intense emotions, sights. Heartbreaking. After awhile it was clear that talking was only escalating his emotions and we needed to calm him down, we gave a dose of versed and I held his hand while telling him that I love him as he relaxed back into a light sleep.

These dreams are certainly nothing like I've ever experienced. It's so hard to watch him thrash around his bed, whimpering. Especially now, knowing that he feels like he's dying at that very moment, in his dreams. Oh, my sweet boy.
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1 comment:

  1. Oh no! Sweet boy indeed! I hope you can find a way to help him through it. I've remember reading somewhere that dreaming you are dying can be a good sign that you are getting better. It's supposed to be pretty common after an extended illness, but I know you are dealing with a complicated situation there. At any rate, I hope you can help him find some peaceful sleep. I hate, hate, hate that he feels bad in his sleep as well as when he is awake now. So unfair! Continued prayers!