Saturday, November 12, 2011

Saturday- PICU

I haven't updated because I'm not even sure what to say. Yesterday Wyatt had times that he appeared to be doing/looking "better." A little more interactive at times, talking to us when awake and pulling out that ornery side a bit. But there were also the extended times he was in intense pain, screaming and shaking all over. Though, after the pain was brought back under control, we changed his clothes, cleaned him up and snuggled him in for bedtime. He and I watched a Disney movie together, which we discussed and even jokingly talked about the first time he'd bring a girlfriend home (and I told him I'd be taking pictures...which he didn't love the idea of!). However, today was very different. I feel like we took a few steps back. He's not been awake for more than minutes at a time and even then he's withdrawn and staring. He certainly doesn't look as well as he did yesterday, in my opinion. After culturing his urine last night they did find he's growing another bug and switched around his meds today. His pain is increased, a more constant level of pain. My heart is hurting for my boy and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. There's an amount of frustration within me too, there's no 'easy' choice to be made in his care...we're only able to do the best we can. Yet, that doesn't seem to be enough.

After having a brutal talk with the PICU doctor that was covering the unit last night in which he very frankly asked if we really thought Wyatt would recover fully and "get up and run around again." I responded "No." I know he may never walk again, but I do hope we can get him comfortable enough to enjoy spending time with his family and to smile. I expressed to this doctor that I know my son and I do think he can get through this...last night I had no doubt.

Early this morning I sat watching him sleep, listening to his bipap alarm and thinking back to 7 months ago, when Wyatt was learning and playing baseball. Hitting the balls that were pitched to him, running the bases and just happy to be a part of the team. What I would give to watch him play one more game: Running bases in his over sized blue shirt and big clunky cleats, crouched down in the outfield with the leather glove on his hand waiting to run after a ball. Yet I sit here now, tears leaving streaks down my cheeks, just hoping to be able to share one more holiday season together, one more Christmas morning. For the doctors that didn't know my son before the infections took over his body, I think it's hard for them to imagine him so full of life. I wish they all knew the boy we know, the one that never gives up. I believe in my son, and maybe that won't be enough, but I will never give up on him.

Print Friendly and PDF

6 comments:

  1. With tears streaming down my face as well, im thinking YOU do know YOUR SON and you know what a strong, full of life kid he is. Im sure the doctors have an idea as well given what a fighter he has shown them he is!! I can't imagine the thoughts that must surround your every moment but know you have many people thinking and praying for you all. I know that may not bring a lot of comfort and I wish
    There was more I could do!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't comment often since I'm not a mother and I'm not sure what to say. I've seen my parents spend time in ICU, some times for weeks. It is hard to see someone go from an active lifestyle, albiet modified, to a hospital bed. Just know that I'm thinking of you, Wyatt and your family. HUGs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i too, have tears in my eyes, as i read your precious words. i do not know you. but i certainly know a mother's heart...my son, kaden, played baseball on wyatt's team in the spring, and my husband, matt, helped to coach...

    i am encouraged by your strength. i pray strength and comfort for you and your husband, and daughters, wyatt, and your family and friends as you continue on the journey you are on...may you feel God's love for you and your sweet son and peace that surpasses all understanding... ~much love. missy king.

    ReplyDelete
  4. My son, Parker, also played baseball with Wyatt. My husband, Jason, was one of the coaches too.
    Parker often asks me how Wyatt is.
    My daughter, Francesa, is in ballet with Maggie and played with your girls at some of the practices.
    I pray for comfort for all of you during this difficult journey.
    love,
    kendra wiley

    ReplyDelete
  5. all the doctors need to do is take 5 minutes to read your blog and then with tears in THEIR eyes, they would get it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ashley-
    fortunately we both have an angel in our presence that has allowed our paths to cross and provide Wyatt with that love of baseball. When Jill came to me and told me of Wyatt's situation before the season, how could I say no? I am so blessed to have even been on the same field as your little warrior. Getting to see his first hit and having him become part of the team is something I will never forget! As you can tell, by your followers on this blog, Wyatt seems to have made quite the impression on many others as well! I hope you are feeling the power of our prayers. We are praying for your little warrior!- Charlie "Coach K".

    ReplyDelete