Monday, November 28, 2011

The difference a year can make.

Our Thanksgiving holiday was relaxed and fairly quiet. Exactly what we needed it to be. This week there were a lot of people asking the question "How are you?" and "How's Wyatt doing?" and I replied "Ok" most of the time, but to be honest I have no idea how we're all really doing. I do know we're all hurting in one way or another, as we're watching our son (and Brother) slip away piece by piece.

As we were decorating the Christmas tree Jilly was remembering the past years when all three of the kids would be so happy and excited to decorate for the Holidays. Each running to put an ornament on a branch and back again to pick out another. This year was very different. And the conversation with my spunky little girl while decorating was telling...

"Why can't Wyatt walk anymore, Mommy?"

I began to explain that Wyatt's muscles are extra tired because his body is working really hard in other areas right now. And each time he gets sick and has to be in the hospital, his body and muscles get a little more tired.

"Poor Wyatt" she responded with a frown.


"Yes, Jilly?"

"I miss when he could walk with me. I really liked those days."

"Me too, sweetie." As tears began to sting my eyes. "We all liked those days."

Maggie chose to lay next to Wyatt and watch as we strung lights and hung each ornament. She knows just what her brother misses most and is conscious of making him feel sad about watching her do what he wants to be able to do. Decorating for Christmas would be on his list of favorite things. Wyatt has never lacked excitement...he has always loved the holidays and loves celebrating! He was happy that we were decorating early this year and was excited that we were going a bit more "extravagant." He smiled and clapped as Bryan finished hanging the lights and we turned them on for the first time, creating a festive glow throughout the downstairs of our home.

We all greatly enjoyed having visitors come and go throughout the weekend. It felt good and so normal to visit with friends and family.

As the extended holiday weekend drifted along Wyatt's color began changing. My "Mama radar" has been quietly nudging me through the weekend and today it's getting much louder. These days this motherly feeling just makes me want to it rarely fails me with my boy. It's clear he's not feeling as well as he did days ago, he's hurting (more), we're seeing an increase of blood draining from his belly, his heart rate is staying above his norm and he just has that look that worries me. I debated all afternoon about calling the hospice nurse for an increase of pain meds and/or emailing Dr. R, but in the end decided to make do until we see the nurse tomorrow and waited on emailing the good doc. Hoping that maybe our boy will wake from his versed induced slumber and look/feel better. You never could happen.

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1 comment:

  1. Aching for all of you. The stories of your children's love for each other and the way they show it are straight to the heart.

    Aching and praying for you,

    Cathy in Missouri